So I was at a Korean Spa the other day and overheard a convo between a cousin of somebody who heard a convo of Dame's 2nd cousin and a bartender on Reddit (not heresay at all, this is TRUSTED sources people just like the ones you see on Twitter) about the masterplan currently in action between Dame and Cronin.

It goes something like this:

• After a year of failed trade attempts to get Dame the help he specifically asked for (primarily around Simons and future picks for OG Anunoby or Mikal Bridges, or a side trade for Vando that never materialized), Cronin sat down with Dame and his agent after the all-star break last year for a super-secret meeting of the masterminds.
• It was determined that the only way to get a star player to Portland via trade would be to get Anfernee Simon's value up (the presumed 2nd best player and likely best trade chip in any realistic scenario). The best way to do that would be to feature Simons as the lead point guard while Dame sits out, as other teams expressed skepticism around Simon's ability to be the lead guard. It would be too damaging to Dame's career and reputation to sit-out more time for "injury-related" reasons. Instead, another plan was devised...
• 克罗宁,一个已知的天才,最后提出,夫人feed into the media demand for a trade request but with a catch: request a trade to the one team in the league with the absolute worst possible package of trade assets to return (thereby making any such trade impossible). After several weeks of R&D, it was determined that Miami was such a place and the perfect mark for this play given their overzealous front office, recency bias/entitlements and uneducated fanbase, etc. Cronin offered to take the "Heat" by admitting failure publicly, so long as Dame agreed to sit-out the first 1/3 of the 2024 season.
• While the public assumes Dame will never play another game as a Blazer, Ant starts the season hot in his new starting PG role for the Blazers. The Blazers get off to a surprising 6-4 start over the first 10 games and Simons averages 27 points, 6 assists, 4 rebounds and 4 3PM to start the season (on 50/90/40 splits). Thybulle and Nas start at SG and SF respectively to start the season and to ensure that Simons gets the bulk of the offensive opportunities in the starting unit. Scoot and Sharpe come off the bench together to start the year and have multiple highlight-reel plays per game, each. Somewhere in Italy, Cronin instructs his team of sculptors to resume work on chiseling the statue of Dame.
• After a month into the season, the inbound lines start to warm up. Teams are now curious about Dame AND Simons. Miami has started the season lukewarm, 5-5. They appear to be having chemistry issues, and Herro is no longer friendly with his teammates. Vincent and Strus are also missed. Riley debates trading Herro, Robinson, and a pupu platter of lesser picks to Philadelphia for James Harden. Eventually, he makes that trade because...
• Brooklyn also gets off to a rough start at 4-6. They just paid Cam Johnson a ton of money and they need to win games now as they don't own their picks anyways. They look at their roster and realize their only point guards are Spencer Dinwiddie's expiring contract and freaking Ben Simmons. Anfernee Simons fits the Cam Johnson timeline perfectly and he's secured for another 3 years...he's also playing better than Bridges is currently. Cronin finally gets the deal he's been waiting for in Simons, Little, and 3-4 future 2nd round picks for Bridges and Royce O'Neale.
• Cronin follows it up with a trade of Keon Johnson and two future 2nd round picks for Andre Drummond, finally securing a backup big man for Nurk. Chicago also agrees to secure the pick next year and free up the Blazers to trading other future FRPs without that restriction.
• After the Ant trade is made and all the dust settles, the lineup looks like this: